Of Monsters and Men
by animeaesthtic
Summary: The truth is this: Every monster you have ever met, or ever will meet; was once a human being, with a soul as soft and light as silk.
1. Two Truths And A Lie

The bitter chill of the fast approaching evening caused her to pull the fabric of her scouting hood closer in around her face, muttering a string of curses while she worked. Her fingers had long since lost feeling and with each gust of icy wind, she was having difficulty holding on to anything at this point. _And just when I thought it couldn't get any colder._ She mumbled to herself.

"What?" Oruo called out to her from behind.

She turned her head slightly to the side to inform him that she hadn't said anything just as another flurry of snow blasted through them, carrying her words into a separate direction.

Oruo's yelling only intensified when he noticed her mouth moving. "What did you say? I can't hear you!"

Before she could turn around fully to continue their screaming match, Eld interrupted. "She didn't say anything to you Oruo! She was talking to herself. Now shut it."

She watched as her childhood friend pulled his hood down further over his head and couldn't contain the snort of laughter that escaped her. He had removed the overly large cravat he had recently begun wearing and tied it around his head to keep his hood from flying off with each gust of wind. Even though it was smart, he looked like an old woman. She could hear Eld mutter that he looked ridiculous and laughed once more in agreement before turning around in her saddle.

They had been riding for almost a full day, and the sun was beginning to lower behind the large trees in the distance. Why they had been ordered to go on a supply run before winter had ended was beyond her, but so far as she and everyone else had anticipated, they had found absolutely nothing. Lucky for them, the freezing weather seemed to keep even the monstrous titans at bay considering the few they had encountered they easily avoided without needing to engage. Something she had expected the squadron of new recruits to have greatly appreciated. Erwin had decided this was as good a field training exercise as any and he was turning out to be right. But with a quick glance in their direction all she could see was a healthy mix of fluttering eyes and dozing faces.

The light of the day was nearly diminished and the previously innocent flurries they had encountered were now becoming more violent. Her face stung with each gust of ice that swirled past them. She was sure her cheeks would be sporting millions of tiny cuts by the time they reached the gate. _If they reached the gate._

As if on cue a rider sped up beside their captain. She could see that he was yelling but with the intensity of the wind she could barely make out what he was saying before he continued onward. Levi slowed his speed and she craned her head to see what was coming up before them. From what she could make of the scene, it seemed like a small village- more of a cluster of buildings. Hunting outpost probably, she thought to herself. Either way, it was definitely abandoned and most likely had been for years. No one risked living out here anymore, even those who were desperate to flee the walls of their city wouldn't leave.

Their company slowed to a halt and Erwin came to a sliding stop in front of them; she joined the rest of her squad in mumbling a pathetic greeting although he hardly took notice of their lack of effort.

"We're splitting the new recruits between your squad and Mike's. We'll scope out the area and then you all can divide them up however you want. We're out of here by dawn."

Levi gave a halfhearted nod in reply before turning his attention back to the rest of them. "Oruo, Gunther- scope it out and take the house on the far left. Eld- get with Mike and see if they need you to pair up with any of them. Petra you're with me."

A range of 'sirs' followed in response to his orders before each of them went of in their separate directions; while she followed her captain. It wasn't incredibly surprising that he had kept her paired with him. She was the only female on his squad and had far more patience with new recruits than he did. She guessed he had kept her for that reason alone; but still, it wasn't often that their squad split up.

After picking a handful of the new recruits, they made their way to one of the houses near the middle of the grouping. Luckily, because the village was so far from any others it was well equipped with various sheds of different sizes to store the horses in for the night. She rubbed her steed's nose before letting a baby-faced girl half her size lead him away as she trudged through the deepening snow towards the house. The inside was desolate, meaning whoever had lived here before took every piece of furniture with them when they left. Which was admittedly a good sign. _You don't have time to grab a bed when you're running for your life._

The monotone voice behind her shook her from her thoughts. "We'll put them in the main part of the house and take the back. I don't want to be bothered by them."

"Understood, Captain."

Bringing her hands up to her face she attempted to warm them as she walked the short distance to the back of the house. The worst part about an empty room was that there was nothing to keep the cold from getting in. She would have to find a way to make the one blanket she had brought along work. She listened as a group of tired footsteps filled into the house and couldn't help but smile when there was no sound after that. Which probably meant Levi had threatened to throw them all outside if they dared make a single sound. She was sure each of them had horrified looks etched on to their baby faces. _So cute._

"Why are you smiling to yourself when you're in a room alone?"

"Hmm? Oh sorry, sir. I was just picturing you threatening to throw them all out into the cold if they make a sound."

"I threatened to feed them to the horses but close enough."

She giggled at that, knowing he was being completely serious. It was only then in the silence that she began to realize the situation and her face began to warm in response. She was alone with her captain. It wasn't as if they had never been alone before; in fact, they had been on many occasions. In the past she would go to his room on nights he was overwhelmed with paperwork and help to lighten the load. She had been nervous at first but over time they fell into a comfortable routine, and since no one else on the squad knew, it was never talked about. But here- in this tiny room- they were painfully alone with no paperwork to distract them; and everyone knew.

Clearing her throat she began to loosen the straps of her equipment, setting it down close by on the floor next to her. The titans wouldn't even notice their presence as long as they made sure to keep quiet, which would be easy since squad leader Hange had stayed at headquarters for this run. She released a breath of air she hadn't realised she was holding and nestled into the thin blanket each member of the survey corps was given. She looked over to see Levi staring at her with his usual blank expression and mumbled an apology before leaning back into the wall behind her.

* * *

Levi removed his gear and turned to find a spot on the floor. His face crinkled at the amount of dirt it was covered in before noticing Petra dozing quietly on what seemed to be the only semi clean patch in the room. _Of course she would pick that spot._ He grumbled to himself before electing to sit across the room from her instead. It wasn't as if sitting beside her was something terrible; in fact he couldn't deny that he wanted to. She was so lovely when she slept and she smelled nice. Nicer than any of their surroundings when they were stuck on pointless missions. But he couldn't. Not until he worked through whatever was going on in his fucked up brain.

It had been so easy to ignore her before. _A lie_. Well, easier than it was now. In truth, he had always found her attractive. She was the only woman to make him lose focus of what he was doing and stare like an idiot. Sure, that kind of stuff happened to other guys all the time; but not to him. Perky breast and a nice ass just wasn't enough to make him stop what he was doing or to lose sleep over. Her hair is what caught his eye the first time he saw her. It was longer then- much longer- down to her waist.

If it had been anyone else he would have thought it was ridiculous. Long hair in the survey corps was only good if you wanted a swift death; but she was still in training, and so he thought it was beautiful. _Like the sun._ He had never seen a color like it before and doubted he would ever see it again, which is why he stopped to look. And when she had turned around he wanted to curse her to hell because of course she would have the eyes to match. She was attractive- No, more than that. _A goddamn goddess._ And she had had the nerve to smile at him, as if she could read his damn mind. So of course he had marched off pissed that she would be so bold to exist and determined to never hear her voice because he knew it would sound like honey and be just as sweet. And he was right.

He hadn't expected to ever see her again; but when Erwin approached him about forming a squad and set a list of names out in front of him he had picked the first one. _Surprise surprise- it was hers._ But he hadn't known that then; he didn't find out until he showed up to a test run for her and Bozado after constant nagging from Erwin to "at least see them in action before making his choice".

He saw her hair before anything else and had to fight from turning his horse around at the sight of it, but he didn't because he wasn't that damn pathetic. Or at least he was trying not to be. He had wanted to change his mind- to send her home; but how could he deny her what was rightfully hers just because she had been born with unusually nice hair. Plus from what Erwin had told him during one of their meetings, she was determined to be in the survey corps. Something that had confused him for the longest time and still did. The only people who joined them had either seen some fucked up shit, done some fucked up shit, or were simply fucked up. He fell into all three of those categories and she- well she could go anywhere and be anything she wanted. And yet she was there, so he let her stay.

Over the years he had watched her fight and survive and she was still as beautiful and amazing as the day he met her. She could still go anywhere and be anything she wanted, but for some reason all she wanted was to serve by his side. He knew that, it was written all over her ridiculously lovely face. He saw it in her eyes every time she looked at him and heard it in her voice when she spoke, and he wondered how it would sound to hear her say his name. It'd be the end of him, that he was sure of. So he kept her at a distance to make sure he never would. But even that was becoming difficult. The nights she came to his room to help with pointless paperwork were the hardest, but even those were easier than fighting beside her on missions. It's not that he doubted her; her skill was undeniable and if he were a titan he'd be terrified of her. It was simply that if he could keep her from having to fight he would- he had to.

Which is why she was here with him in this dirty ass room now; so he could protect her, even if she didn't need it.


	2. The Bigger They Are

He was certain his eyes had been closed for no more than an hour when he heard a soft whimper come from across the room. It was quiet, barely audible at all, but his eyes snapped open anyway because he knew who the sound belonged to. Her face was smooth and unbothered from what he could tell, but her breathing was off. Each puff of air was short and shallow; it was clear she was having a nightmare. He expected her to cry out at any moment and was relieved when she shot forward, her jaw clenched tight. He waited for her to gather herself before raising a brow at her in question. "Are you alright?"

Releasing a shaky breath she nodded. "I'm fine."

Her face was drained of color, even her usual blush was gone. "You're shaking, Ral."

The small space between her brows furrowed together in confusion while lifting her hands up in front of her. They were, in fact, trembling and he watched as she lowered them slowly while trying her best to produce an amiable grin. "I'm just cold."

She had yet to refer to him as 'captain' or 'sir' which told him that she was not fine. Petra was always careful of formalities when she spoke to him; he was almost certain she used his formal titles even when he wasn't around. He gave her a once over, noting that her trembling had not yet subsided and seemed to be getting worse. The last thing he needed was for her to get sick and bring that illness back to the barracks with them. There was no way in hell he would risk it, not when he hadn't had a cold since he was a child.

"Come here." His words came out harsh and demanding and he knew it, but he was still trying to convince himself that his actions were necessary. Even if she didn't get sick, her continued shaking and teeth chattering would keep him up all night.

She chewed on her bottom lip softly in hesitation. "I'm alright Captain-"

"Petra," he stopped her mid sentence and noticed as her doe eyes grew even wider at the mere use of her name. "It wasn't a request."

She nodded her head a couple of times before standing shakily and crossing the short distance between them. It was dark, save for a sliver of moonlight coming in through the window, and so he reached out to help guide her down in front of him. An accidental brush of his fingers against her waist told him just how tense she was. He couldn't help but wonder if it was because of her dream or him. He said nothing and instead spread her blanket over top of them; the added warmth seeming to calm her some. It wasn't until she leaned back against his chest that he began to wonder what exactly his intentions had been. Perhaps he had selfishly wanted nothing more than to hold her next to him.

They sat in comfortable silence for awhile, her head resting against his shoulder, and he waited hoping that she would fall asleep. Minuets passed and it seemed as if she was content with just laying against him, her eyes softly shut. She was warm and although he had tried to keep his hands at a distance, their current position had forced them around her sides. Her skin was soft and with every content sigh that escaped her lips he found that he was holding in his. She was so small, even compared to him, and seemed to fit perfectly within his embrace. It was difficult not to want to slide his arms around her fully. He had to do something- anything, to steady his mind and keep himself from pulling her in tighter. "What were you dreaming of?"

Even in the darkness of the room he noticed her dainty eyebrows crease in to a pained frown. "My mother. I was dreaming of her death"

"When did she die?"

"Years ago... I was young, but I was there."

 _I'm sorry._ He wanted to say it but he couldn't. It's not that he wasn't sorry for her; he was. _Sorry for her and everyone else who had ever lost someone._ There were even times when he allowed himself to be sorry for everything he had lost, but that didn't happen often. The point being that offering up words of apology seemed to be more harmful than helpful these days. Apologizing for death when it was a constant occurrence had forced any meaning from the word; so instead he simply pulled her in closer to him, allowing his nose to brush the top of her hair. Even in the dead of winter she smelled of summer. _Lavender and honey._ Her scent alone was intoxicating to him. He was surprised when her delicate hand slid over top of his; he knew it was her way of reassuring him that she understood what he didn't say. Somehow she managed to do that often. She could read any expression of his, his body language, and decipher it's meaning.

"It's not as terrible as you'd think. The nightmares are... easy. I watch it happen and then I wake up and I know it's over." She gave a sad chuckle and snuggled against him further, her cheek now resting on his chest. "I'm sure I sound insane-"

"No." He didn't think so. She sounded like someone who had seen something that could never be unseen. "It's the dreams where nothing happens that fuck with your head." And it was true. Over the years he's had many of those dreams. He would find himself with the ones he'd lost sitting on a rooftop. They'd talk and laugh about nothing and everything. And when he finally woke up it was as if he'd lost them all over again.

"Mm. Maybe I'll tell you about her one day. She was so beautiful- my mother. So lovely."

He wanted to tell her that she was also those things, but he knew he never would. It'd be pointless after all; but-

Violent vibrations began jostling them all at once and before he had time to even think they were both up strapping into their gear. A scream- and then another. _Shit._ He knew what it was without having to peek out of the small window in their room. _Their room._ He scoffed at the term.

Petra's wide eyes grew wider at his sudden amusement and he simply lifted his chin in the direction of the door. "Let's go."

* * *

 _Chaos. Absolute fucking chaos._ The new recruits were running around frantic while a few senior members, including some of his own, were attempting to chase them down. The snowfall had stopped but now their steps were sinking into the fluff beneath them, they'd be at a disadvantage even on horses.

"Oiy! Stop chasing the brats and get on your damn horses."

They didn't have much time before the impending horde of mindless beasts were upon them. The early light of the dawn allowed them to see the distant titans lumbering towards them. From what he could make out, there were at least fifteen. But that wasn't what alarmed him. It was the suddenness of their arrival that did. _As if they were led right to them._ It didn't make sense. They hadn't seen more than a handful on their ride yesterday, and now _this_. He could see the blonde hair of his commander galloping towards him.

Erwin shook his head at the madness playing out in front of them. "Make for the trees outside of the gates. I have know doubt we can take them out, but we need the recruits out of the way."

"You're the boss." Giving the man a final once over before setting off to the task of tracking down his team.

It was almost comical. The screaming faces of the recruits, Oruo and Eld chasing after the overly frantic ones. Gunther threatening the few who were crying while Petra tried instead to shush them. He could almost lau-

"Petra."

"Sir!"

"Stop wiping their tears and get them on their horses."

"Sorry, Captain."

He could _almost_ laugh.

It seemed like an eternity before everyone was finally on their horses and they were racing towards the gates. It wasn't until they emerged over the final hill and the walls were visible that his face drained of the little color he had. _You've got to be fucking kidding._

* * *

She could feel her breathing becoming ragged as her heart bounded in her chest. How long had they been fighting? _Hours?_ She knew it hadn't been long but it felt like an eternity. And to think she had been so happy that they were close to home only to be struck with fear when the walls finally came into view. There had been a crowd of titans waiting to greet them instead of their usual crowd of disheveled townspeople. Admittedly, she still wasn't sure which was worse. Although her muscles were beginning to scream with each swipe of her blades, the pain was still easier to deal with compared to seeing the faces of families mourning their loss. Something she had been forced to endure after each return from their missions. She hoped this time would be different.

So far the recruits were safe and accounted for, sitting high up on the branches of large trees surrounding the walls, out of reach. As long as they remained there they would live; but with each wave of titans they cut down another sprung up in its stead, and she began to wonder if running would end up being their only option. _But how would they manage to get a group of twenty kids safely within the gates?_

She glanced around for her team, spotting Oruo and Eld's strained faces and giving them a curt nod of recognition. It was one of their many ways of checking up on the status of one another. She wasn't sure when exactly they had created their silent mean of communication, but it was something she was glad for. Verbal communication required air, of which, she currently didn't have. Leaping down from her branch she landed across from Gunther, his face the same crimson as the rest of them. He gave her a quick once over before jutting his chin in a separate direction. _Levi._ She hadn't asked for his location and yet he had given it to her. Was she really so obvious in her concern for him? Sucking in a painful breath she decided to use the air she had been gathering. "The Commander?"

"No idea. These assholes don't seem to be slowing down. Any ideas how this happened?"

"Yeah. I have a few." But her theories would have to wait. The branch she was kneeling on lurched with the added weight of another. "Captain." She nodded in greeting.

"These shitheads keep coming." He bristled.

Gunther made a noise in agreement while she studied her captains face; her eyes trailing from his narrowed gaze to the solid vein pulsing in his neck. The only indication that he, too, was beginning to lose steam. An involuntary shudder spread through her at the sight. _Reign it in, Ral._ "Sir, it's clear this isn't some kind of coincidence. What's our plan?"

He turned his cool gaze in her direction, seeming to focus in on her heaving chest. "We can't afford any casualties. The recruits are top priority. If we lose any of them it'll be a shit storm." He was right, of course. The survival rate of the survey corps was steadily dropping, along with the small amount of funding the were receiving. Another unsuccessful mission and it would seal their fate; any remaining funding would be cut altogether. "Petra, track down Oruo and Eld. Wait for my command."

"Sir." Gliding from where they had been perched she made her way to her remaining comrades, forcing her blades through the neck of a fifteen meter in her path before settling on a sturdy branch. Solo kills weren't a priority for her, but if it was unavoidable she would gladly take the risk.

"Pet, what are the captain's orders?"

She bristled at the use of such a name. She _hated_ that stupid nickname. "Unless you want my blades slicing through you next, I suggest you use a different name, Oruo."

He simply returned her threat with a smug smile. _Such an ass-_

"Petra! The orders?" Eld shouted, shaking her from her thoughts.

"We keep fighting until the Captain says otherwise." It was all they could do. She doubted the military police would come to their aid. If anything they'd love to see them wiped out. _It was probably their plan all along._

Time passed and they continued with their work of cutting down giants. Her skin was singed in different places from the blood that now covered her arms and neck. The cool air of the day helped to ease the intense steam coming from the titan's corpses. She made an attempt at wiping her hands on the fabric of her pants to help clean them before dragging the back of one over her brow. If there had been any doubts in her mind before, they were gone now. _This was no normal attack._ Whatever it was, it was meant to be their end.

"Petra."

The voice was familiar but it didn't belong to her captain. Instinctively she straightened herself quickly, ignoring the burn of protest from her back and legs. "Commander Erwin, Sir." She couldn't help herself from gazing in awe at his form. He wasn't Levi, but he wasn't terrible to look at either. His azure eyes pierced into hers and he chuckled, causing her lashes to flutter in confusion.

"I've already informed the others of my plan. We'll move through the trees in the opposite direction of the gate. Once we're far enough away, one of you will shoot off a flare that will alert Hange and her squad of our position. We'll have to go over the wall."

 _Over the wall? Was he insane?_ Their gear would only get them up half the distance, which would mean someone would have to be there to help them the rest of the way.

"Is something wrong?"

"Where is Captain Levi? I would have assumed he'd be the one telling me this." She added a quick sir to the end soas not to offend, but he simply ran a steady hand through his damp hair weaving streaks of crimson through it.

"I sent him to inform the recruits. I don't mind being a messenger when it's necessary, Miss Ral."

 _Miss Ral._ She gave an unbecoming snort of laughter before slapping a blood stained hand over her lips and apologizing. "Forgive me, sir. I think the exhaustion is getting to my head... 'Miss Ral' just seems a little unfitting given my current state." She spoke while motioning to her blood soaked clothing and skin.

He gave her one of his well known smiles and spun to leave before tilting his head, ensuring that she could hear him. "I doubt anyone could look as agreeable as you in such circumstances, Miss Ral."

She felt her mouth drop at such a comment. _What the hell was that?_ Perhaps the exhaustion was getting to him too.

* * *

Levi watched from afar as Petra threw her head back in laughter before covering her flushed face with a delicate hand. He was sure she was apologizing profusely as she usually did even if it wasn't necessary. What caught him by surprise was the way her face fell only moments later as Erwin turned to leave. He knew better than to assume he had said something appropriate. Erwin could hardly keep himself from complimenting any woman with a pretty face, and Petra was far from that.

He wasted no time in questioning him when he felt his branch bend with weight. "The fuck did you say to her?"

A smirk and then, "Wouldn't you like to know."

Levi felt his jaw tighten involuntarily at the smugness of his long time friend and leader. "Seeing as though I'm her captain, I would like to know."

"As her commanding officer, I'd say you have nothing to worry about."

"Given your track record, I'll have to call bullshit on that."

Erwin's face lit up at the comment, almost as if he was amused by the aligation. "My record is clear of any subordinates, Levi."

"Right. Just other men's wives."

His eyes narrowed at that. "Have you readied the recruits?"

Levi shrugged. "Depends on what you consider being ready as."

"Hm. Not the answer I would have liked, but I'll admit this plan will be a true test of their skill. Unfortunately we can't afford any failures."

That earned an eye roll from him. He was well aware of the fact that the recruits were top priority. "Are you ready then? All this talking is giving me a migraine."

* * *

The formation they created was simple enough; the senior members would form a wall around the recruits, keeping them boxed in. While the Commander, Levi, and Mike led in the front. She was located near the middle on the outer left, meaning she would face no real obstacles. _Easy enough._

They had a little over two miles left before they reached their destination. The flare would be set off once they hit the midpoint and a responding one would be sent when Squad leader Hange had her team in position. She wasn't sure what to expect; she only hoped the brilliantly mad scientist had come up with something better than them scaling the walls and having to be hoisted up one at a time. That would only lead to disaster; one sweaty hand and you'd be tumbling to your death.

The only good thing she could gather was that they had managed to put some distance between them and the titans; the bad of course, was that the lumbering beasts were still following behind them. Before they had left, Nanaba, Gelgar, and Gunther were tasked with taking out any remaining abnormals mixed within the horde. She could only hope that they wouldn't run into any more up ahead. The abnormals were faster than the others; she knew the recruits wouldn't make it through that, and losing any of them wasn't an option. They were a day behind their scheduled return already, meaning there was sure to be a crowd of suspecting townspeople gathered once they finally arrived.

A flare to her right sounded their impending arrival and she tightened her fists around the handles of her blades. Once they reached the wall the real struggle would begin. A blast of yellow smoke off in the near distance confirmed the position of their fellow squad. They were moving quickly and in a moments time they had made it to their pick up point. Petra could hardly contain the squeal of excitement when she saw the a line of wooden lifts spread a short distance across the wall. They were the same lifts they often used to for the horses and carts when the gate wasn't an option. All they had to do was propel themselves far enough to reach them. She could do it, the remaining senior members could do it, but would the recruits be able to pull off such a maneuver with their limited experience? There was no way to guarantee it, which meant they would have to act as safety nets between the lift and the hard ground.

They came to a halt and she quickly made her way to the front of their formation awaiting orders, she doubted she would be one of those tasked with catching any recruits who couldn't make the distance. More than half of the kids already surpassed her in height and weight, there was no way she'd be able to carry them anywhere.

"Petra, you're with Nanaba and Lynne. Keep the perimeter secure."

"Yes, Captain."

For once she was okay with being sent away. She'd rather fight off titans than have to be the last security measure in keeping someone's child from the ground beneath them.

* * *

Levi struggled to keep the look of surprise from his face. So far only two out of the ten brats to make the jump had needed assistance. A quick glance around him showed that he wasn't the only one fighting their shock. He guessed the thought of the impending titans gave them the necessary courage to get the job done.

"Nanaba, Lynne-" He called out to the women behind him, "Make your way up there. Petra, help Oruo with whoever's left and lets get the hell out of here."

Where ever the titans were, they weren't here. Which meant he could focus on getting their senior members out of this shithole. Mike and Gelgar were next once they finished with their group. Which left his squad and Erwin. The blonde commander gave him a curt nod before launching himself towards the wall as well. Levi turned to where his squad was and propelled himself to them. "How many are left?"

Turning to look towards the small group, Eld counted quickly. "Uh- looks like four."

"Good. You and Gunther get those two and head over."

By the time he made it to Petra there was only one left. The kid seemed to be struggling with the idea of launching himself across the distance. He shook his head repeatedly before finally succumbing to Petra's calming words of encouragement. _Better her be the one to talk him down than any of us._ She was always good at easing someone's nerves; even he had to admit she had been the one to calm him on more than a few occasions.

"We've got this one Captain. We'll follow behind you." She yelled from a few branches away.

He simply nodded in response before turning to leave. _One kid should be easy enough to handle._

* * *

"Alright, you'll go and then we'll follow behind you." She flashed him a chaste smile of encouragement. "Even if you miss, Oruo will catch you. It'll be fine."

The boy nodded in agreement, although she could see he was still scared out his mind. She sent a look to Oruo letting him know he would most likely have to assist and he gave a smug grin in return. "I'll go once you're both up."

His face faltered a bit before he spoke softly, "Don't wait too long, Petra."

She nodded once in response. She knew he was worried about her being alone with no cover, but she would need to assist him if something happened; and she wasn't surprised when it did. Things had gone far too smooth up to this point. It had her on edge the entire time and it was the reason she made sure she was the last one left. She watched as the boy lept from his branch, watched as his face turned into a horrified expression and he tried to turn back. She had felt the vibrations of the abnormal staggering towards them, and had hoped that they would be fast enough to make it to the lift before it arrived; but her plan had always been this if they were unlucky.

"Oruo!" She could see his gaze on the Titan approaching but there was no way she could carry the weight of the recruit. He would have to be the one to do it, and she would shield them both. "Save him."

Removing her blades she flew from her branch after them, forcing her body between the large arm reaching up and her comrade. In a fierce spin she cut through its flesh, rendering it useless. The maneuver pushing her far from the lifts wooden surface and she knew she wouldn't be able to reach it. She could see the abnormal lingering beneath her, if she landed on it she would survive the fall; but she would have to be quick if she wanted to live after that. It was her only option.

She crashed down on to its head with a loud thud, the impact forcing the air from her. Struggling to fill her lungs again she staggered to her feet. The constant thrashing making it impossible to steady herself, but she was out of time. She could see it's other arm coming towards her and so, with a loud grunt, she pushed herself from its body with as much force as she could muster. She pulled her legs over her head, fipping over it's large arm; unable to see the newly regenerated one coming for her until it was too late. The impact sending her spiraling backwards as the scenery around her passed in a blur. She heard the sickening smack of her body connecting with a tree and then nothing but silenceas her world faded to black.


	3. The Harder They Fall

Levi's head snapped towards the sudden sound coming from the other side of the wall. He could hear the distress in Oruo's voice as he repeated Petra's name over and over again, with silence being the only answer. His muscles sprang in reaction, launching himself to the edge of the wall so he could peer over it. He watched in horror as her body was flung into the thick bark of a nearby tree, the crack of her bones colliding with force caused him to flinch involuntarily. Each of the senior members made a move towards the edge but he cast his arm out to stop them. Time was not on their side, but they could not afford to be reckless.

She was wedged between two branches, unconscious from what he could tell. The titan's attention had returned to Oruo and the recruit he had within his grasp, as they dangled from the edge of the wooden lift.

"Eld- Gunther, get Oruo and the kid up here. Mike- the abnormal is yours."

"With pleasure." The man mumbled before shouting out orders to the rest of his team.

The words grew incoherent as his focus honed in on Petra's mangled form. He scanned for a way down, and readied himself to launch. "Levi, wait-" A firm hand clasped his shoulder.

His head whirled around to stare it's owner in the eyes, a threatening look etched within his features. He was met with Hanji's concerned gaze and knew that whatever she had to say was important for him to hear.

"There's no way to know what's broken, but it's best to assume the worst. If you move her on your own, you'll risk making things worse."

"Figuring out the best way for me to get her up here is your job." It was a harsh reply, but his mind was focused on only one thing and that was getting to her.

Returning his gaze to her figure below he plunged himself over the wall and scaled his way down to her. Her body was covered in abrasions, her copper hair a tangled mess; but the trickle of blood seeping from a gash above her brow is what alarmed him more than anything else. Tearing a piece of fabric from his uniform, he applied pressure to cut; waiting for the bleeding to slow before attempting to move her. Carefully he laced his arm around her back and began the task of freeing her from her wedged spot. As he worked, she began to stir. Her amber eyes fluttered open, revealing the confusion etched into them.

"Levi?"

Her voice was hoarse and his name missing a title. "Don't move, Petra."

Her jaw clenched tightly as she made an effort to lift herself. "Dammit I said _don't_ move."

It was clear she was ignoring him as she slid a delicate hand underneath her, crying out sharply at the action. " _Holy shit-"_

His slanted eyes widened at her choice of words for a moment before returning to their permanent scowl as he interupted her chain of curses. "I told you not to move."

"I'm fine." She hissed out through clenched teeth.

It was clear from the unnatural angle of her shoulder that it was dislocated. Reaching for her hand on that same side he carefully took it into his grasp, examining her almond nails for discoloration. The light purple creeping in told him how serious the injury was.

"Can you tell me where the majority of your pain is?" He asked studying her expression. If she was awake, it was possible they could make it to the lift without putting anyone else at risk.

"Just my shoulder." She grimaced and lowered her gaze. _She was lying._

He felt his muscles tense at that but before he could question her further she was shifting her weight to stand. Using her uninjured arm, she pulled herself up; staggering from the swiftness of the motion. She was standing, but he could see that the full intensity of the pain was beginning to take effect. Her flushed cheeks began to drain of their color and she looked as if she was going to be sick at any moment. Careful to avoid her injured side, he picked her up bridal style, ignoring her moans of protest. "I'm not going to risk you passing out while we're trying to scale a wall. You'll just end up killing us both."

She stopped trying to fight against him and let her body relax so he could focus on the task at hand. Hanji had lowered the lift further so that the distance was no longer as great as before. Still, it wouldn't be easy. He was mindful of her injuries and of not wanting to make them any worse. How exactly she was awake at all was a question he could only guess the answer to. Perhaps it was the adrenaline from being thrown into a tree, or something like that. Either way he wanted to avoid injuring her further.

He glanced down to see her doe eyes staring back up at him. "Any suggestions?" He asked not expecting a response.

"I've survived a lot of things Levi, I'm sure I can survive this. Just do it fast, okay?" The corners around her swollen lips turned up slightly and he gave a curt nod.

Moving towards the edge of their branch he decided talking to her might keep her mind from focusing on the pain of her wounds. "You must really feel like shit, Ral."

She sucked in a tight breath from the jostling of their walk. "What makes you say that?"

Positioning himself as close to the edge as possible he glanced over to their destination. Hanji was standing on the wooden surface waiting to assist him when they reached it. "I've never heard you say just my name before."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Captain."

He felt something close to a laugh form in his chest but forced it back down. "Hm. Hilarious."

Pushing himself from their branch he launched them both into the air, using the gas mechanism to help propel them forward. They landed hard, but he positioned himself to take the brunt of the impact. Setting Petra down carefully he captured her eyes with his. "Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head to each side before releasing a shaky breath.

"I need to take a look at that shoulder" Hanji mumbled to herself while removing a small knife from her belt. "It'll be less painful if I cut your shirt instead of trying to get your arm out."

Petra's jaw tightened once again but she agreed.

Hanji wasted no time slicing the white fabric of her shirt off of her body, leaving her in only a plain black sports bra. If it weren't for the deep purple of her skin covering her entire side, he might have stopped to admire the curves of her figure.

The lift lurched as they reached the top of the wall. To his relief, the recruits had been led back to the barracks and all that remained was his squad and Moblit.

"That looks terrible." Oruo muttered under his breath.

"That's because it is." Hanji snapped before returning her attention to Petra once more. "I need to set it before it gets worse. If you try and make it back to the barracks, you could risk more tearing."

"Do it now then." She forced out through clenched teeth.

"Levi- keep her still." Taking Petra's slender arm in hers she gave her an apologetic look. "This is going to hurt like hell."

With a calculated pull on her arm, Petra cried out in pain before an audible 'clunk' could be heard.

Petra's brows furrowed in concentration as her lashes fluttered slowly.

"She's going to pass out." Levi spoke, hoping to alert Hanji.

He watched as she tried to argue, her voice growing distant. "No I'm-"

"Oh!" Hanji's eyes grew wider as Levi moved to support Petra's weight, her head coming to rest against his shoulder. "Well that's to be expected! Probably best that she stays out too."

Reaching a steady hand out towards the bruised skin over her side, Hanji sighed. "Looks like a few broken ribs. The cut on her head doesn't look too bad- should be able to clean it and leave it to heal on its own."

"Are we done here?" He asked, his voice teetering on the edge of annoyance. Not that his fowl mood was directed towards anyone in particular.

"We are. Not much else we can do. The fractures in her ribs will heal in time. She'll need a sling for the shoulder to keep it stable..." The woman paused seemingly lost in thought. "I'll see if I can track down something for the pain."

Levi studied her as she trailed off. He had rarely seen Hanji in such a serious mood. In most cases she was only ever like this when discussing her beloved titans. "Oiy. What's gotten into you?"

"Huh?" She blinked a few times. "Nothing... It's just- Well its Petra. Sewing you up doesn't bother me much but for some reason seeing her like this is... difficult."

He decided to leave her be with that response. She was right after all. Seeing anyone else battered and bruised was far easier than seeing her. It made his nerves tense up even though he knew she would be fine after a few days.

Placing her down on a cart they began the trek back towards their barracks. The crowds that usually gathered at the gate had long since disbanded, and their journey home was relatively calm.

Once they arrived Hanji mumbled something about going to fetch a few items for Petra's arm. "I'll bring them to her room in a few."

She turned to leave and he grabbed her wrist stopping her movements. "You can bring them to my room."

Before she could react he released her from his grasp and sent her on her way. Turning to scoop Petra's sleeping form from the cart he remembered the rest of his squad still standing behind him. "Clean yourselves up. We'll talk later."

* * *

Her entire body radiated in intense pain. It was difficult to know what parts of her were even injured with every nerve pulsating within her. She attempted to move her stiffened fingers, her eyes struggling to open as she felt the soft bedding beneath her.

It was clear that she was in a room, but it didn't belong to her. The smells were different from her usual lavender scent; it smelled clean, much cleaner than her own, but it was calming all the same.

As she tried her luck at lifting her body she felt strong arms restrain her. "I'm surprised you're awake." His voice was stern but he helped her sit up fully.

"Are we in your room?"

"Yes, is that a problem?"

She looked down in horror at her bloodstained pants. She was filthy. Suddenly the pain was of little concern.

"How could you let me get in your bed looking like this?" She groaned before allowing herself to lean back against him again.

Her body was exhausted, and the fact the she was in such an intimate position with her captain didn't seem to register. Pain has a funny way of simplifying things, and she was grateful for that now. She would allow herself to show weakness in front of him for once. She was tired, and he had been the one to bring her here.

"You're not _in_ my bed. You're on top of it."

It was true. They were laying on top of his bed; she said a silent prayer of thanks for not creating a mess of dirt in his clean sheets. She was surprised to see that he was also still in his clothing from the last few days.

"I need to clean up." Her voice was hoarse and cracked near the end, but he didn't argue. Instead he slid himself from behind her and made his way to the bathroom. She had forgotten that he had his own private one within the barracks. All of the high ranking officers did.

She listened as he turned on the water and felt herself slowly began to slip back out of consciousness, until more arms slid around her uninjured side lifting her carefully from the bed. "You can sleep in the bath."

The heat rushed to her face at the realization that he was going to help her bathe. She groaned again. "There's no way in hell you're going to see me naked in this state." Her words began to dip in volume as the dizziness rushed to her head.

Not only was he going to see her bruised and battered body, but she was going to pass out as well. _Great._ She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and Levi stopped.

"Are you... crying?"

"No." She snapped. Her head was pounding. It would make sense if she had a concussion after being thrown through the air like a lifeless doll and smacking into a tree. It still didn't help the situation but she would use it as an excuse anyway.

Levi sat her on the edge of the tub as he helped to undo the various straps on her pants. "Don't look, okay? I look awful."

His slate eyes seemed indifferent as he continued to help her. "There's nothing wrong with the way you look, Petra." He grumbled, focusing on removing a buckle that was proving to be difficult.

She sniffled. "My body is purple, Levi."

"Fine-" He cut her off. "Alright- Just don't start crying again. I can't handle that shit."

She nodded silently before speaking up once again. "You'll have to cut my bra."

He froze then, "What?"

"My bra... you'll have to cut it-"

"I know what you said. I was just hoping you didn't- For fucks sake, just forget it." His eyes furrowed in concentration and he pulled a knife from his belt.

"Why do you have a knife? Hanji had one too..." _Why the hell didn't she have one?_

"What?"

"Nothing-"

"Are you feeling alright?"

Her eyes narrowed. "I feel like I was thrown into a goddamn tree." She murmured with an agitated frown.

"Put your hand here." He said placing it on her breasts for her so that the fabric would stay up. "I can't not look and cut the straps."

With a quick motion he sliced them both and she released the breath she hadn't realised she was holding. Helping her to stand he angled his head away from her while she shimmied out of her remaining clothing and stepped into the bath. The bubbles from the soap helped to obscure her body from sight. She could see now the red tinge on the tops of his ears and couldn't help but release a comfortable sigh.

There was a sound of someone running into the door and then a hushed string of curses before a light tap sounded.

"Its Hanji. Just stay here and try not to drown."

Moments passed and she felt herself growing dizzy with exhaustion again. Drowning in her captains tub didn't seem like a terrible idea for a moment, but an overly hyper Hanji bounded into the small bathroom jostling her from her slumber before she could.

"Petra, I'm glad to see you're doing better. Levi tried to keep me out, but then he mentioned you were-" She leaned her head out of the door and called to the short agitated man waiting outside. "How did you say it, Levi? Oh! Right." She returned to her place and kneeled in front of the tub. "He said you seemed out of it and kept crying."

The scowl returned to Petra's face. "Yes, something like that."

"Well, with the speed you went flying into that tree with, I'd say you probably have at least a mild concussion. It shouldn't kill you."

"Thanks Squad Leader-"

"Oh! I brought you some medicine that should help with the pain. Though I'd probably say you should wait until after you're done bathing to take it. A girl your size will be out in minutes from that stuff."

"Thank-"

"And I brought you a sling. You'll definitely want to keep that on-"

"Alright that's enough. Your voice is giving me a headache." Levi interrupted before pushing her from the confined space.

She could hear them continue going back and forth for a while longer before the door finally shut. The pain radiating through her body was growing in intensity and being knocked out seemed like the best thing that could happen. Sliding herself forward with a groan of agony, she lowered herself into the water further so her hair could soak. There was no way she'd be able to use her hands to clean it any since one was useless and the other was keeping her from slipping under completely.

"Are you done?"

"I think so." She pulled herself up grimacing as she did.

Levi stepped nearer to her, keeping his eyes averted and held out a towel with one hand while holding her hand with the other.

"You'll have to wrap it around me." Her voice came out as a tired whisper.

Wrapping the towel around her fully, she flinched when he skin brushed against hers, but he seemed not to notice. Instead he simply helped her to his bed and sat her down on the edge.

"You'll have to help me with this part." He spoke to her gently. The calm tone of his voice caused her to gape at him in surprise, but she nodded still. He carefully laced her injured arm through a large shirt and then over her head, while she pulled her other arm up and through the remaining hole. As she sat there he helped to dry her hair more with an extra towel she hadn't noticed before, her eyes resting on his chest in front of her.

"Your shirt is ruined." She said as she traced the blood stain that had undoubtedly come from her the wound on her head.

"It's just a shirt."

"No." She placed her hand back in her lap. "This one is your favorite. You wear it more than the others."

She knew she wasn't wrong but her face still heated up at the fact that she had even mentioned it.

Choosing to ignore her observation, Levi helped her slip into the sling Hanji had brought for her and then lowered himself once more. He lifted each leg carefully into a pair of shorts and then motioned for her to stand so he could slid them up the rest of the distance. Once they were secure she let the towel fall to the floor and he took her hand leading her to slide under to blankets of his bed.

"Are you sure this is a good idea- I mean, me sleeping here." She asked hesitantly.

Placing a small tablet in her hand she lifted it to her mouth, grabbing the glass of water he held out for her and swallowing. "I doubt you sleeping in my bed would be considered the main issue of this evening."

 _Right._ Of course. She had just bathed in his tub and he had helped her. Even if he had kept his eyes focused on other things, the entire ordeal was far more intimate than it should have been. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be ridiculous. You can't help the fact that you were injured." He moved from the bed and made his way to the door. "I have to go but I'll be back. Get some rest."

And she did.


	4. Only If For A Night

Seeing Petra's bruised body resting in his bed caused a familiar feeling of dread to swell in his gut. Moments like these, where he was stuck hunched over in a desperate attempt to slow his ragged breath, rarely happened. His hands grew clammy and pulling them up in front of him he could see that they were trembling now. How long had he been in this damn hallway? Far too long he was sure. Erwin and the others would have been waiting for him for at least an hour by now, but he couldn't will himself to move.

 _She's safe_. He knew that. And yet... the second he had closed his door his heart rate increased to a dangerous pace. The vision of her body being flung through the air flashing across his mind. It was all too familiar. The sounds... He had heard them before, on many occasions. But this time they had belonged to her, and it made everything different.

He was stuck in the past and present; his mind struggling to separate the two. _She's not dead._ He repeated it to himself, but his body was stuck in a state of panic; reacting as if she was gone. Shaking and trembling, the pit in his stomach sucking everything into it. Just like that night so many years ago.

No matter how much time passed, nothing could scrape Isabel and Farlan's final moments from his mind. Anytime he was close to losing someone he cared for, every close call he faced, his body was swept back in time. Stuck in the trauma of it all. It was hell.

The only thing that seemed to help was being next to her. It was why he had carried her to his room against his better judgment. He had to see for himself that she was alright. And so he placed her on his bed and slid himself behind her; watching the rise and fall of her chest until he was satisfied enough to close his eyes. Maybe it was selfish, but it was the only way to convince himself that this time was different; that he hadn't lost anyone.

Besides, Petra would have tried to escape from any infirmary he could have taken her to. She would've torn off anyone's head who tried to keep her from going home. In that way he understood her.

Forcing his legs to move, he made his way to the common room within their barracks. On most evenings he was grateful for the distance between his room and everyone else's, but tonight each step down the long hall set him closer on edge.

 _Don't be pathetic._

Petra was far from helpless. But, she was also stubborn; never wanting to sit still even when it was necessary. He half expected her to get up and follow him, but it was clear from the lack of formalities being used that she was far from alright-

"Captain!"

Turning his gaze up slowly to the jittery man in front of him. "What the hell are you doing, Bozado?"

Oruo dragged an oversized palm through his platinum locks. The man's sunken eyes were even more so than usual. "Uh- I've been waiting for you, Sir."

Levi's eyes narrowed slightly in annoyance at his constant movement. Watching him shift his weight from one foot to the other repeatedly made him want to send a foot flying in the poor man's direction, just to force him to be still.

"I-I mean we've all been waiting for you, Captain. To hear about Petra..."

A slow blink and then, "Is that all?"

Curving around him, Levi continued inside through the open door of the common room. Ignoring the expecting looks from his comrades and a particularly playful eye Hanji was throwing his way, he took the remaining empty seat.

Before Oruo could open his mouth again to speak, Levi cut him off. "Petra's fine." There was a collective release of sighs. "She feels like shit but she's fine."

The loud smack of a hand connecting with skin sounded from beside him. "I told you she'd be fine! You owe me a round of drinks the next time we're out, Bozado."

"Geez, did you have to smack me so hard? Or at all for that matter?" He gave a small whine while rubbing his neck sheepishly.

"You... bet _against_ Petra?" Gunther growled out through grit teeth.

"What! No! I simply said she would need _actual_ medical assistance-"

Hanji dismissed his comment with a single wave of her hand through the air. "Petra's a trooper. If one of you sad excuses doesn't marry her, I will."

Kicking back in his chair he folded his arms, "Did you make that bet before or _after_ you talked to her?"

"Huh! Aw Leviii," She let the words drag out in a groan.

Erwin's eyes showed little amusement at their bantering. "I'm sure I don't need to tell you all that the ultimate goal of our mission was not reached. However, we were able to avoid any loss of life."

Mike ran his fingers over the rough skin of his chin. "As great as that is, you're saying this whole thing was a waste of time then."

"Was that not obvious?" Levi bit out. His patience was far too thin to sit and discuss things they already knew.

Hanji's fist cracked against the wooden surface of the table. "Maybe now we can stop doing pointless tasks for the Capital and focus on the more important issue of research!"

"Don't start with this shit, four eyes. No ones risking their lives to catch you a stupid Titan."

"Levi is right... to a degree. We can't focus on such a consuming task unless we're sure that we can secure the necessary funds for it."

"If you're going to suggest we all attend the next gala you go to, the answer is no."

"It's the only way to raise the money we need, Levi."

"You've managed by yourself for this long, Erwin. We have more important things to worry about."

"Such as?"

"I'd think figuring out how the fuck a horde of mindless beasts managed to seemingly track us down out of nowhere would be a good place to start."

"And have you ever considered the answer to your question could be hiding at one of these events? I'm sure it's crossed your mind more than once, Levi."

He had thought of it. The fact that the orders for their failed mission came from the Capital reeked of foul play, but that didn't mean he was willing to play dress up just to find out if his hunch was correct.

"Tsk. They'll have to do more than that stunt they pulled to get me to rub shoulders with any of them." Balancing his weight on the back two legs of the chair he challenged the Commander with an icy glare. "My squad stays here."

Steele blue eyes bore into his own as his angled brows knit together slightly; a sign that connections were being made within his brilliant mind. "Right. That's enough for tonight then."

A mass of exasperated murmurs sounded at their dismissal. They were all worn out; after days of riding and fighting, the lack of rest was beginning to show on each of their faces. The purple rimmed bags under Erwin's eyes showed that even he was reaching his breaking point, but their steady gaze told Levi his Commander still had enough energy to say whatever was on his mind.

They both remained in their chairs as the others filed out of the room. Most would be heading for their beds, but some would be seeking comfort elsewhere. He was sure a few of his own would be doing the same, and that was far from his concern. Who _or what_ his team decided to do on their down time was their own business.

The ancient rules that prohibited secret rendezvous were mostly ignored these days anyway. There was more of a don't-ask-don't-tell policy in place now. It was beyond irrational to expect any of them to refrain from such a basic human need. Especially with all the shit they've seen. After a day full of death, the only thing you really want is to feel alive. Even if it is only for a moment.

He was sure there wasn't a soul within their regime that could say they hadn't picked a strangers bed over their own, if only to prevent a restless night filled with the horrific scenes of a previous mission.

He had done it too. Not half as many times as most of his companions, but there had been nights even he preferred the false sense of comfort. He never stayed long, but a warm body against his was a better antidote than anything a doctor would prescribe.

He was sure Petra could be included in that group as well; and he'd be lying if he said it didn't bite. It's not as if he actually knew for certain, but on the nights she went out she always came back late. Still, just like him, she never stayed long. And unlike him, she always seemed far more conflicted than when she had left.

Anytime their squad made plans to go for a drink, he would decline; and she would make her way to his room before leaving with the rest of them. She'd brush her knuckles against his door, the soft knock pulling him from whatever work he was struggling to complete, before asking if he needed help with anything. He'd always decline and send her on her way; and she'd always ask him once more with a strange look tangled across her features before finally giving up. It was as if she was begging him to say yes, just to give her a reason to stay; but he never did.

It had only happened a handful of times over the last year or so, but each time he found himself regretting that he hadn't given her the excuse she wanted. Maybe if she had asked one more time, he would have.

"Levi."

Pushing his hands into his temples, he lifted his gaze slightly to meet his superior's. "Erwin."

"I went by the infirmary to check on Miss Ral's condition." His voice was steady, picking his words carefully.

"Hm."

"I suppose you already know she's not there."

Ending his balancing act and returning his chair to the floor, he plastured an unbothered look onto his face. "I suppose I do."

It was clear that it was not the answer Erwin wanted.

"I won't try and manage you, Levi. I know that would be pointless anyway."

"Get to your point then."

There was a long stretch of silence before finally the Commander spoke. "Petra is a beautiful woman and she's good at what she does... If you're actions are based on physical attraction, I understand. Who you let occupy your time is none of my concern."

"You seem concerned to me."

"If this is more than physical, quit while you're ahead."

Pushing himself from the table, he rose from his seat. "Is that all?"

"Yes."

* * *

The walk back to his quarters seemed longer than usual. No matter how hard he tried to keep Erwin's words from his mind, they somehow managed to creep back in. _Fucking ridiculous._ As if _he_ needed to be lectured. He knew better than anyone just how much love and war don't mix. Like oil and water.

 _Hell,_ Love of any kind in their world was a disaster waiting to happen. It wasn't a matter of _if_ , but _when_. When would you lose them? When would they break your heart? Everyone died, it was unavoidable. Even with all that being said, he somehow managed to care for Erwin and Shitty Glasses despite the fact. He even cared for his squad more than he'd like to admit... Petra was a member of his team, of course he cared for her as well.

Pushing open his door he stumbled inside and kicked off his boots, forgetting about the guest he had in his bed. Her sleep filled voice drifted over towards him as he continued removing the outer parts of his uniform.

"Hi."

"Shit," Pausing his task, he turned to ignite the lantern on his desk. "Did I wake you?"

"No, Sir."

"Don't start with the formalities now, Petra." Folding his cravat, he set it aside before crumpling into the chair next to him. "So then, if I didn't wake you, why are you up?"

"Oh... I was having trouble sleeping is all."

"Is it the pain?"

She was quick to respond, shaking her head a little too eagerly. "No, Sir. I'm alright. Really I am-" She stopped suddenly, picking up on her mistake and apologized. "I'm sorry... I'm not used to using your name. I know I did earlier but... I wasn't thinking straight." Her slender hands absentmindedly traveled over the various blankets tucked around her.

"Hm." Choosing to ignore her previous comments he simply changed the subject. "Hanji says you'll need those pain meds for the next few days... You should probably take some now so you can sleep."

Her dense lashes fluttered for a moment at his words before she nodded in agreement. Placing a single capsule into her now outstretched hand he turned to leave, dragging his feet towards the bathroom.

"Levi-" His stomach clenched at her tone. Calling his name like- well like _that_. It was too soft, too sweet, for it to be _his_ name.

"Why did you bring me here?" She was careful with her words, speaking slowly and barely above a whisper.

And so he was careful with his too. "It's not like you would have stayed in the infirmary, Ral."

Careful to return the distance between them he'd asked her to ignore just moments ago.

The golden light in her eyes seemed to dull at his response, as if it was far from what she had wanted to hear him say. Still she managed to produce a half-hearted smile. "Of course. You're probably right."

Without so much of a second glance, he turned his back to her and locked himself away with his shower. The urge to free himself from their current encounter had been sudden, and nearly smothered the air from his lungs.

How many times had he reeled her in only to throw her back out again? And only because he couldn't decide what is was he wanted from her.

Did he feel bad for putting her on such a wild ride from hell?

 _No._ He wouldn't let himself.

She knew the kind of man he was. She knew he would never let himself have her. And if by some unholy chance he did, it would never change into anything of value.

If that's what she wanted, he wouldn't feel bad about it.

His shower was spent meticulously scrubbing his skin until it was raw, hoping that she would be asleep by the time he emerged. Throwing on a pair of shorts he made his way over to his desk, blowing out the light of the lantern.

She was asleep, and he was grateful for it. There was no way in hell he would have survived any more questions from her. Not when he didn't even know the answers to them.

The spot next to her seemed warm and inviting as he slid his tired form beside hers. He studied her sleeping form, memorizing the lines of her face and the small hitches in her breath as she dreamt. It was calming... in a strange way. He found himself hating it and feeling more at ease than he ever had, all at once. The sound of her gentle breathing began to lull him into a dreamless sleep, and for the first time in days he found himself content and without contest.

* * *

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for the feedback and follows. I hope I don't end up disappointing everyone in the end. Anyways, school and work for me have really picked up recently so I just wanted to give you a heads up that the next few chapters might roll out a tad slower than usual. (Please don't hate me, I'm sorry!)


	5. Working Hard Or Hardly Working?

A/N: I am so so sorry for the long break. I've had this chapter ready for a while now but I just wasn't happy with my writing. Soo after editing it for over a week I decided to stop putting it off and go ahead and post it. Hopefully it's not too terrible!

* * *

" _Petra..."_

 _It was the second time she had heard her name being called, but the sound was still far off in the distance. Too far to stir her from the warmth of the sun's rays._

 _Her fingers spread and tangled in the grass beneath her as she stretched her arms further out to each side. The soft blades rolled against the wind in waves, tickling her ears and neck, encouraging her to give into the sleep her body craved. The suggestion was tempting. Perhaps she could just lay here for awhile longer..._

" _Petra, my love..."_

 _Delicate fingers grazed against her scalp and trailed down the length of her hair. Her lashes fluttered open as a pair of hands cradled her head._

" _Now don't tell me you planned on sleeping here all day, darling."_

 _She smiled and closed her eyes again, squeezing them shut. "Did Dad tell you where to find me?"_

 _Her mother's hands continued to smooth her tresses out across the grass. "Of course not. You think I don't know where my own daughter goes to escape the world?"_

" _I was not escaping, I was simply taking a break." She stated matter-of-factly._

 _The fine lines around her mother's eyes lifted in amusement. "And here I thought you were trying to escape a certain someone." She chided, pinching Petra's cheeks._

 _Rolling to her stomach, she perched herself up on both elbows and smirked. "If by someone you mean Oruo, then yes... I might've been taking a break from him as well."_

" _Now Petra," The woman tsked. "That poor boy practically worships the ground you walk on. Be nice and let him down easy... or don't."_

 _She let her body collapse to the ground in a dramatic display before dragging her arms up and pulling her knees to her chest in a huff. "I don't want someone who worships me! I want someone who is fierce and relentless and will love me for me and not for who they want me to be. Oruo want's a good little wife to sit at home while he does whatever his heart desires, and that just not who I am. I guess I just thought, with us both in training, he'd see that by now..."_

 _Her mother's smile spread slowly before nodding in understanding while running a delicate hand through the length of her hair again. "No, that's not who you are; and you deserve nothing less than what it is you want."_

 _Petra let her eyes drift closed as her mother placed a soft kiss on forehead before continuing._

" _I was thinking of taking a trip into town today, if you'd like to come. You could get a darling haircut before you return to training..." She weaved a large section of hair through her fingers before letting it fall to the ground. "You must be sitting on it by now."_

" _Hmm," Petra hummed in consideration. "I wasn't planning on ever cutting it again actually."_

 _The sweet ring of her mother's laughter rang out. "I doubt the military allows hair as long as yours, my sweet. You'll have to cut it at some point. Perhaps we could ride to Shiganshina... The horses could use the exercise and there's that new flower shop I wanted to visit again..."_

 _Petra's eyes shot open suddenly. The sounds of the day faded away. The birds. The breeze through the trees. It all disappeared. And yet, her mother's chaste smile remained as though she was unaware of the strangeness around them._

 _It was unnerving... The skin on her arms prickle with goosebumps._

" _Shiganshina" she repeated in a whisper. Her insides clenched and her heartbeat began to quicken as familiar pangs of panic surrounded her._

" _I don't think we should go there today... I don't want to go." She forced herself to face her mother, "Mom?"_

 _No one was there. Her once resting nerves began to fire off in warning throughout her body._

She shot forward, the breath rushing from her lungs as she gasped in desperation. Her chest heaved and with it came a shooting pain, bringing her back to reality.

Using a shaking hand to feel the sling still draped around her, her brain struggled to put the pieces together. Turning to her side she took in the sight of the sleeping figure beside her. The blackness of his hair. The contours of his face. _Levi_.

She was in his room. She was injured. She remembered now.

Still, her insides continued to churn, a sickening feeling spreading throughout her. It wasn't just any dream. It had been a memory. Twisted and edited slightly by her own mind. That was why it had felt so real... It had been real. Once. A lifetime ago.

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes and she forced herself from the bed, swallowing the moan of agony that came from the movement. Going back to sleep was no longer an option, so staying here was pointless.

Grabbing a blanket from the end of her Captain's bed, she draped it across her trembling form. Stopping as she remembered the pain medicine she would need soon enough, and moved to store a capsule in the pocket of the shorts she had borrowed.

She didn't plan on sleeping anymore tonight. It wasn't worth the risk, but she couldn't wake Levi up. The fact that he hadn't stirred from her sudden movements proved he was far more tired than he had let on before. She wouldn't bother him, not after he had been stuck caring for her only hours earlier.

Careful not to make any sounds, she closed his door. Releasing the handle once she felt the solidness of the wooden frame.

* * *

When Levi awoke, he allowed himself to lay unmoving in his bed. Although he felt incredibly well rested, he couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling of yesterday's events. Still, his body was relaxed due to the hours of dreamless sleep he had managed to get, something he wasn't accustomed to. Taking in a deep breath, his nose caught a faint but pleasant scent imprinted into the sheets beside him. _Petra._

For a moment he wondered if it was too early for him to move... If he got up now he could risk waking her.

 _No._ It didn't matter if he woke her. Why should he care? He shouldn't.

Forcing himself up, he took in his surroundings. Immediately taking notice of the empty space beside him. She was gone.

 _Where the hell did she go?_

She had managed to move one of the pillows in the space next to him, probably to keep him from waking up. Moving his gaze down to the end of the bed, he took note of the missing blanket that usually sat there as well.

He felt his skin bristle. Petra was out there somewhere roaming the halls in nothing but his clothes and a blanket? It's not that he cared really, he just didn't want _his_ blanket out there without him.

He got dressed quickly and began his search for her, going by her room first. Nearing her door with a profound purpose, he raised his fist to knock.

"Captain Levi?"

He stopped his movements and stared at the women peeking out from the room next to Petra's.

"Nifa."

"Is Petra all right? None of us have seen her since yesterday... She never came back to her room last night..."

 _So she's not here._ Turning around back the way that he came he ignored the confused expression on the girl's face, determined to track down his missing items.

Eventually, after some time, he found her sitting in a cushioned chair near the window in his office. She was wrapped in his blanket with only her head peeking through a small opening. Her crimson hair is what alerted him to her position, without it he would have surely missed her. In all honesty, he didn't know why he hadn't checked his office first. Deep down he must have known she wouldn't want to be seen in her current state by anyone. They'd have too many questions. Too much to say.

He took in her form with thought, suddenly wondering what had made her decide to leave his room in the first place, but not sure if he should bother to ask. She seemed fine from the outside, other than the light shade of purple surrounding the cut above her eye. She was just sitting quietly, gazing outside at nothing and everything, with a cup sitting lazily in her hand. Even though she had yet to acknowledge his arrival, he knew she was aware of him still.

"You left early." He spoke softly. His tone surprising himself.

"You were sleeping... I didn't want to wake you." She responded as if it should have been obvious to him.

"Hn."

A stretch of silence passed before he spoke again. "How are you feeling?"

He watched as she closed her eyes, seeming to consider his question for a moment. "Awful... but I'm alive so I guess I shouldn't complain."

He shouldn't have been surprised by her answer. Petra was not one to complain about anything, even in situations where it was completely acceptable. It was, at times, irritating; but it was _her._

Pressing his shoulder into the wall behind him, he scoffed. "You were thrown into a tree, Ral. You can say whatever you damn well please about it."

She smiled then, her rose colored lips pulling up into a soft grin. "Is that so? Well then... I feel like complete shit."

"Seems about right."

"To be honest... yesterday is a complete blur in my mind... and the few things I can remember are quite embarrassing." A groan escaped her at the thought. "I won't apologize again since it'll only annoy you, but thank you... for everything, Captain."

She was met with silence, which wasn't exactly much of a surprise. She had figured the tender care she received only hours before had been out of some strange sense of responsibility he felt towards her. He was back to his normal self now. Quiet and seemingly uninterested in holding any semblance of a conversation with her.

"I doubt I need to tell you that you're on leave until you've recovered, and that means no training either. I can sign off on you returning home for awhile, if you want."

 _Home_. It had been awhile since she last visited, but that was for a reason. As much as she was ashamed to admit, a part of her wanted to stay away. Each time she returned home her father was always glad to see her... but the visits were too short. There was never enough time and she always left feeling like her visits did more harm than good.

"Thank you, sir, but I think it'd be best if I stayed here. My father doesn't tend to do well with injuries. If he saw me like this, he'd probably bar me from ever coming back."

"Would that be a bad thing?"

She searched his face for a hint of humor and found none. "It would..." She responded slowly, confused that she would even have to answer such a ridiculous question.

They sat there in silence, while she wondered what would ever cause him to say such a thing. Unless...

"Is that what you want, sir? For me to leave?"

"You could be happy. Get married. Have kids. Things people like you should be doing."

His cool glare turned away from the view outside and focused in on her, as if he was daring her to disagree. The mere fact that he actually thought she wouldn't was beyond her. _People like her._ What the hell was that supposed to mean? She could feel the color rush to her face in an instant.

"What makes you think I want any of that?" She bit back. "You think I joined the military in search of a husband? You've known me for years and yet... you don't know me at all."

"You're right. I don't know you. Not as well as I should, but I know enough. Your life has been a walk in the park compared to most."

There was a flash in her eyes, a flicker of an emotion he couldn't understand before it disappeared. As if, for a second, she actually believed his cruel words.

"I know what you're doing, Levi. It's not going to work."

She breathed a heavy sigh, returning her focus to the window in front of her. "Your battle has been with the world and what its done to you... what it's taken from you... but it's taken things from me too. I know what it means to be here. I know what I'm giving up, but I never wanted any of it to begin with. I think I would have always found myself here... _even if my mother_..."

Her voice trailed off for moment, and he wondered if she would simply stop there or continue.

Swallowing whatever words she had been about to say to him, she smiled sadly. "I think I would have always ended up here. Some of us are simply born with war in our hearts... and it's no ones fault really... it's just the way it is. And we are the way that we are."

"I don't think I'll ever understand you."

"Maybe one day you will. Hopefully before I'm dead." She winked at him.

He blinked, confused and... _annoyed?_ How could she move from revealing a piece of her soul to joking about dying? Or whatever she had just said. Either way, she was just too forgiving.

"Don't you get tired of that shit? Of being nice all the time? Honestly... I just insulted you and the most you did was snap at me and then try and educate me or whatever the hell the point of that speech was."

She shrugged. "Maybe you were trying to insult me, but it was only because in your own twisted way, you care. And I know that."

Her gaze seemed to drift past him, focusing on nothing in particular. He wondered if she had taken any medicine recently. Surely it would be time for another dose...

"Have you taken anything yet? For the pain?"

"Hm? Oh... Not yet. I guess I should."

"Take something and get in bed. If you think you need me, call for someone else."

She gave him a soft smile before nodding. "Of course, sir. Thank you."

* * *

Weeks passed and Levi returned back to his normal self. He ignored her most of them time, although he did allow her to take over the majority of his paperwork while her body healed. It was the only thing that would keep her from becoming agitated and enraged at the slow recovery.

Much to her annoyance, the attack they encountered was officially written off as a " _self contained anomaly, not likely to reoccur."_ According to the reports she had looked over. But she wasn't the only one to think those words reeked of cynicism. Hanji also noticed the deliberate dismissal of the entire occurrence. As if someone wanted nothing more than to erase it from their memories. Which might have been easy for her if she wasn't reminded of the ordeal each time she attempted to perform basic activities.

Her ribs had healed for the most part. They only seemed to become tender when she made an attempt at conditioning. Every night she laid on her floor strengthening and tuning what she could manage without over exerting herself. She had decided after a week of rest that she couldn't afford to remain stagnant unless she wanted her body to experience a serious set back. Which, of course, was out of the question. It had taken her years and an unknown amount of hours to even achieve the height of fitness she was at now. She'd be damned if her body suffered further because of some minor injuries. Still, she was smart enough to know better than to perform any of the exercises out in the open. There would be many waiting to run and tell her Captain in hopes of achieving recognition in his eyes.

Little did they know that goal was next to impossible.

But she knew that fact well.

She had hoped the interactions they experienced after her injury would have persuaded him to reconsider keeping her at such a far lengths away; but if anything, the complete opposite had occurred. Other than allowing her to assist in his office work, he avoided her as if she was a plague. It was almost as if it pained him to be in the same room as her. After the first few nights spent in an awkward work environment, she had decided to dedicate her evening meals to completing any work there was. That way, she would be gone by time he arrived. She would then take her meal alone, which she didn't mind, and train in her room until she managed to exhaust herself.

She wanted to be upset with him for giving her such a cold reception, but each time she found herself taking offense to his behavior, the feeling faded just a fast. Deep down, she knew it was because she understood his reasons for distancing himself. She had done it too, in the past.

The moments that followed after opening up to someone were always difficult. Filled with regret and a desire to go back in time and reclaim any secrets that were shared. It would take time for her to feel comfortable again and she could only imagine that was how Levi felt now. Even if he hadn't said much, his actions always spoke more than his words anyway. And, in a way, were just the same.

He had helped her bathe, and although he hadn't seen much, if anything, it was still a compromising position for each of them to be in. _The entire evening was a compromising position._ If it wasn't for her injuries, she would be dwelling on the crippling embarrassment of having been seen in such a state. By her Captain, no less.

Perhaps if her appearance went back to normal, he would be able to stand in the same room as her. She looked down at her sling, tracing her fingers around its edges. _Maybe seeing it reminds him of everything._

It wouldn't hurt to try going without it... She wouldn't attempt to sneak into their morning drills or anything, so it shouldn't be a problem.

She hoped.

The next morning when she woke, she tiptoed from her bed and into the quiet halls of the barracks. The sun had only just begun to peak over the horizon meaning it was still quite early. Unlike her superior officer, her room did not have a private bathroom attached to it. Although, the bathrooms in the female dormitories were still considerably nice. She really couldn't complain.

The women's dormitory consisted of three halls. Hall one, was where the newest of the recruits were stationed. The rooms were small and, for the most part, uncomfortable. Each room had two bunk beds, which allowed for four girls to fit.

Hall two consisted of rooms that were a size larger than the first. Anyone who was stationed there had usually served at least two years and were given the privilege of only having to share their space with one other person.

And then there was her hall, Hall three. Reserved for members of elite squads. Which at the moment consisted of her, Nanaba, Lynne and Nifa. There was also Isla; a senior medical officer who occasionally accompanied them on missions. She was nice and got along well with each of them.

Being considerate of the fact that most of the women on her hall would still be asleep at this hour, she crept quietly past each of their doors before making it to the end of the corridor. The shuffle of her slippers against the floor was the only sound drifting through the silence.

Pushing her way into the frigid bathroom, she shivered. Even though the frost of winter had slipped away in the last few weeks, it was still far from warm out. Especially in the morning. The cold air clung to the stone floors. A groan escaped her at the thought of having to place her warm toes onto its surface.

Making her way over to the furthest stall, she set her shower caddy down on a shelf. Cranking the steel knob as far as it would go, she hoped the hot water would warm the tiles beneath her as she undressed.

Stepping off to the side she carefully undid her sling. The soft thud of it hitting the ground satisfying her a little more than it should have, but over the last week she had grown to despise it with every fiber of her being.

Next to go was the satin slip she had recently started wearing to bed. In the past, she had considered herself to be more of a T-shirt and shorts kind of girl when it came to pajamas; but due to her immobile state, Nifa had taken it upon herself to go into town and purchase something easier for her to slip in and out of. The thoughtful act had caused a smile as wide as the sun to spread across her face, and she had to admit, the material was extremely comfortable.

With her clothes discarded, she turned to the mirror reluctantly. She had avoided looking at herself since her injury. After she had caught a glimpse of her purple skin in Levi's room, she had no real desire to look again.

Searching her reflection now, she noticed that her skin had returned to normal. The angry red lines that once spread over her midsection had disappeared, as if they never existed to begin with.

Her shoulder was also back to its usual cream color. She twisted slightly in order to get a good look at both of them. It was clear that after weeks of not using it, the muscle around it had lessened. It looked slim and awkward compared to its counterpart, but that was something that could be fixed.

Satisfied with her inspection, she emerged herself into the heated water, wincing as it spread across her skin. Ignoring the burning sensation, she allowed it to run over her muscles. She wouldn't risk moving anything until she was sure they had loosened up as much as possible.

The process of stretching and reacquainting herself with her injured parts was a long one, but worth it. Once she had emerged from the steam she felt comfortable enough to go through with her plan and leave the sling behind for the day.

As she made her way to the dining hall, she noted the dreary faces of her fellow soldiers passing by. No doubt dreading the full morning of training they had in store. Once a week Erwin set aside an entire morning for conditioning only. They would start with a two mile run and transition through various strength training exercises after.

Most of them hated it, but she was the exception. She loved pushing her body until the point of exhaustion. It was the closest thing she could get to real peace. When her muscles began to quake and scream in resistance, she could focus on nothing save the feeling. The discomfort created a blank slate in her mind, and it was bliss.

She groaned inwardly, wishing she could join them. _Next week._ Next week she would. Even if she had to sneak past her commanding officers to do it.

Lost in her thoughts while picking from the limited options set out for breakfast, she failed to notice the lumbering figure standing behind her.

"If you focus any harder, steam will start coming out of your ears." Oruo's playful voice called out to her. "In fact... I think I can see it now." He chided, flicking her ear for good measure.

She swatted his hand away fiercely and settled on a breakfast bar. "Don't you have someplace to be? Like, oh I don't know, conditioning?"

"Nope," He smiled triumphantly. "Captain says we're excused from training today."

"I highly doubt he meant to include you in that." She grumbled out through bites of her breakfast.

"You really shouldn't talk with your mouth full, Pet. It's gross..."

"You're gross." She shot back.

"You both are. Now be quiet and move." Levi's firm tone rang out as he pushed between them. His steady hands curled around a mug before moving to pour himself a cup of coffee. Just as the brown liquid was about to breach it's confines, he stopped, raising his eyes towards her with a questioning glare. "Who made this?"

"Not me." She answered matter of factly, failing to add her usual formality on the end. Levi simply took her form in with a quick once over, letting his eyes linger on her sling less sleeve.

"If you pour it out, I'll make some more." She tried again.

Oruo's confused glances darted between her and their Captain at the informal tone of their conversation. She knew it was mainly on her end, and she was well aware that she should stop, but a part of her wanted him to say something to her about it.

He hadn't spoken to her more than a handful of times since that fateful evening, and she wanted so badly for him to only speak with her. Even if he was upset.

Turning his attention back towards the coffee pot dangling in his hand, he suddenly turned to her fully, thrusting it into her empty arms. Making sure to focus on the injured one. "You pour it out then."

She swallowed the smile that threatened to burst across her face and nodded once. _Five words. Not bad._

Once the coffee was finished brewing, she poured two cups for them, adding a dash of the vanilla extract she kept hidden. Although he had never said it outright, she noticed how his permanent scowl seemed to soften when she made his coffee for him using the secret ingredient.

As she maneuvered herself around the table, she placed his cup down in front of him, and took the seat to his left. Bringing the steaming cup to her lips, she tasted it once before allowing it to cool more. It wasn't long before Eld and Gunther emerged and seated themselves in the remaining empty spots.

They sat in comfortable silence for a time before Oruo's voice disturbed the hush of the room

"Captain, if you don't mind me asking, why aren't we participating in the joint training today? Is there something else you have planned?"

"I don't have anything planned and neither do any of you. Take today and do whatever you want. Just be back before tomorrow night."

Petra watched as no one around the table tried to hide the delight from their faces at his words. There was no doubt they would all head into town for various visits today.

"Petra, did you hear me?"

"Huh?"

"I'll take that as a no then." Eld chuckled.

It was only then that she notice he along with Oruo and Gunther were standing from their seats now.

"We're leaving for the day to go into town, did you want to come?"

Her lip unconsciously made its way between her teeth as she considered the invitation. "No... you guys go ahead. I think I'm going to sit this one out."

"Alright, suit yourself." Oruo yelled with a wave as they filed out of the room.

Leaving her alone with the one man who couldn't seem to stand her at the moment.

"I'm surprised you stayed behind. Are you sick or something?" He asked without meeting her gaze.

"No, sir, I'm not sick. Just not up for a night on the town is all."

He scoffed then and she found it hard not to want to curl into a ball at his attitude.

"You must be sick then."

She felt her muscles tighten at his accusatory tone. "Why would you say that?"

Cutting his steel eyes in her direction, he met her golden orbs with an accusatory scowl. "You never stay in when they go out."

"That doesn't mean I always _want_ to go, but it beats drinking alone I guess."

"I'm sure if you asked one of the girls they'd drink with you, Petra. Then you all can braid each others hair while you gossip or whatever the hell girls do."

She couldn't help the giggle that escaped her lips. _Of course that's what he thinks girls do._

"Is that not what you all do?"

"I wouldn't know. Lynne tends to keep to herself and Nanaba is usually... _Busy..."_

 _With Mike,_ is what she wanted to add, but decided against it.

"Nifa and Isla do spend time together but I've just never been interested really... So I wouldn't know."

"I doubt you're missing out on much."

"Probably not... Was there anything you need help with today? I finished with the paperwork from yesterday, there's just one thing I need you to look over before I sign it."

"Bring it by my room this evening after dinner. I'll check over it then."

"Yes, Captain."

* * *

The hours went by far too fast and before she knew it, she found herself standing outside her Captain's door, her hand hovering above its surface. Maybe it wasn't too late for her to go into town. She could slide the papers under the door and disappear before her noticed-

"Were you planning on standing there all night like some weirdo?" The raven haired man quipped, looking annoyed already.

Running her fingers through her hair she grinned sheepishly. "No, sir. I was actually thinking of running away."

"Maybe you should have." He murmured as something peculiar flashed in his eyes.

He opened the door allowing her inside and she obliged, deciding to look past whatever it was she thought she saw.

"Right. So all of the forms were pretty trivial. Nothing of importance to report really..." She explained while moving to take a seat near his desk. "The budgeting was already signed off on by the Commander. I just checked them over to make sure the amounts were correct. This document was shoved towards the bottom. It's a proposal for an expedition. You'll have to actually read over it."

"Great." He pressed into his temples.

"I could summarize it for you if you'd like."

"No. Don't worry about that. It's your night off, go do _something."_

"I am doing _something,_ sir."

"Sitting with a man old enough to be your dad is not something."

"You're not old enough to be my dad, don't be so dramatic. But If you're so concerned with me not spending my time wisely you could always... make me a drink."

She added a hurried sir at the end when she noticed a tense look laced across his face.

"No. What kind of a captain would I be if I made you a drink?"

She paused, considering the possibility that Levi just didn't know how casual most commanding officers were with their subordinates. Especially in the Scouts. They had far more pressing issues hanging over their heads than having a casual drink on their day off. But still, if he wasn't comfortable with the idea, she wouldn't push.

"Fine, I'll be right back then."

She heard his pen drop before he released an agitated breath.

"Where the hell are you going?"

"To get a drink... and you have two options. I can either drink as much as possible in a small amount of time before coming back here, or I can just bring it with me. I wouldn't mind the first one... It might be interesting to test myself."

"How about you just leave and not come back. Then you can do whatever you want."

"With all do respect, Captain, you told me to do something and this is what I want to do."

"For fucks sake, you're going to be the end of me."

She watched as he ran a hand through his short locks. "Just stay there."

He left then and she heard his footstep last fade down the empty halls. Looking around she wondered if she would regret pushing his buttons tonight. It was a strong possibility... but there was something gnawing at her insides. Something she couldn't simply ignore, and that same thing was telling her it would only go away if she talked to him.

He re-emerged soon enough with a small bottle containing dark brown liquid. "Here." He ground out as he poured some into a glass for her and for himself too, surprisingly.

"So what should we do now then." She asked timidly, raising the glass to her lips.

"Now you sit there while I work."

"Well, that's no fun."

"Captains don't have fun with their subordinates, Ral."

" _You_ don't have fun with your subordinates, sir. And I think I know why..."

"Oh? Tell me what you think you know then."

"It's easier that way. I mean, it'll be easier for you if something were to happen to one of us... But just because it's easy, doesn't mean its right. You're my Captain, and I'm your subordinate, but we're still just people. There's nothing wrong with people needing other people, even if they don't want to."

"I don't need anyone, Petra, and I don't want to either. Just because I'm humoring you with drinks doesn't mean I want to spill my guts to you or something."

Taking another swig from her glass she gave a dramatic sigh. "Alright... but if you change your mind I'll just be sitting over here not doing anything."

"Oh no, if you're going to drink my booze, you're going to work for it. Here," He slapped down a stack of papers in front of her. "You know what to do."

"You've got a way with women, Captain. I'll give you that."

Her head snapped up at what she thought was a quiet chuckle, but when she looked up he was already hunched over his desk again, lost in his work.

"Maybe we could compromise?"

"What?"

"Compromise? Like meet in the middle-"

"I know what a damn compromise is, Ral."

"You don't have to be so feisty, Captain."

" _Feisty?_ Really?" He asked slowly, turning around in his seat to glare at her.

She threw her hands up letting her pen fall into her lap. "Okay feisty probably wasn't the best word..."

"No shit."

"Alright how about this... let's ask each other questions and you can either choose to answer it or drink."

"This isn't a game night. I'm working and you're supposed to be doing the same"

"Have you ever heard of a little thing called multitasking?"

"Don't get cute, Ral."

"I'm not trying to do anything like that." Finishing what was left of her glass, she slid it across the table for him to refill it. "I just think its good to get to know the people you're fighting next to everyday."

"Getting to know people makes things complicated, especially when that person is your subordinate."

"That's besides the point, sir"

"That is the point, Ral."

"Okay I'll go first. What's your favorite color?"

"Pass." He mumbled before taking a large swig.

"B-But, sir! That was the easiest question I had! Why would you drink to that?"

"It was a stupid question. I didn't want to waste my time answering it."

"Fine." She huffed in defeat, blowing a piece of hair from her face. "It's your turn now."

Another swig. "Pass."

"What? No! That's not how this works! If you do that you'll just be drinking!"

"I'm the Captain. I say how things work around here. Now, here's my question. Are you and Bazado a thing?"

"You're joking?" She scoffed. "Of course not."

"Hn. That leaves me with more questions than answers then." He mumbled, swirling the dark liquid in his glass.

"What kinds of questions?"

"Why is he so infatuated with you if you've never given him a reason to be? The man practically worships you... It's uncomfortable to watch."

"My mother said that once... But, I guess it's just because we've known each other for so long. I mean, we grew up together."

He watched as her hand moved towards the bottle to refill her glass. "To me, he's just Oruo and he'll always be just that... but I think I stopped being _just_ Petra to him a long time ago."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"No. I mean, you can't help who you love, right? It's not something I'll ever hold against him, that wouldn't be fair. Now since were asking _those_ kinds of questions... how many women have you slept with?"

She watched as his shoulders tensed and wondered if she had offended him.

"Or men!" She added quickly.

"Men?" He questioned slowly.

"Well... Uh... I've never seen you show interest in anyone of any gender so I was just trying to be fair..."

"Two."

"Women?"

"Yes you idiot." He grumbled while running his hands through his hair. "And you, Ral?"

"One and a half." She said flatly.

He expected it to be a joke, but the nonchalant look on her face said otherwise.

"One and a half men?" He repeated slowly, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "How?"

She shrugged and took a swig of brown liquid.

"So you're going to take the cowards way out and drink to that one? I'm disappointed."

"It's a long story, sir."

"Fine, but I get to ask another question then."

"Why are you here? And don't give me some bullshit answer about wanting to get to know me better. Why are you really here, Petra?"

She shrugged then before looking him in the eye. "I... enjoy your company." She sighed, staring into her drink as if the rest of the answer she needed would miraculously appear. "I want to know you. You're so confusing sometimes... You're cold and rude and standoffish, but there's more than that. I just don't know what it is yet..."

She paused, seeming to consider if she should continue or not before ultimately giving into defeat. "I had almost given up, trying to figure you out, but then you took care of me that night and I couldn't get over it. I know why you said you did it, but I don't believe you. You wouldn't have started avoiding me if that was your only reason."

He gave a cold chuckle avoiding her eyes. "I'm surprised you noticed."

"Are you going to tell me why?"

"No. There's no point."

"I figured that much." She smiled sadly, before collecting their empty cups. "I'll take care of these. Thanks for the drink, sir. We should do it again sometime."

As she made her way to his door, he couldn't help but feel a twinge deep in his stomach. _Guilt, maybe?_

"Petra?" He called after her before she could reach the door.

"Sir?"

"It wasn't awful. Talking with you, I mean... I didn't hate it."

That was enough to bring the smile back to her face.

"I'm glad. Goodnight, Captain."

Once the sound of her footsteps faded from range, he released the pent up tension he had been holding onto. He didn't hate talking to her, _did he?_

Some of her questions had been uncomfortable, but not in a way that made him want to completely shut down, and that was a first. In the end, he had felt more relaxed while they went back and forth with each other than he had in a long time. So why near the end had he tensed back up? Was it because of what she said or because for a moment, he had wanted to tell her what had been bothering him the last few weeks? He had actually _wanted_ to tell her.

And that was a terrifying thing.


	6. Authors Note

I wish, with all my heart, that this was an actual chapter and not an excuse as to why it's not. All I can really say is that mental health is so important. I know that most of you already know that, and you'd think that by now, as a twenty-two-year-old, I'd have figured that out as well. I guess that's proof that age really is just a number lol. Anyways, I just want all of you to know that regardless of the struggles that have pulled me away from updating, there's never a day that goes by that I'm not writing. In fact, I'm always writing for this story and the others that pop into my head. I haven't given up and I hope that one day soon, I'll be strong enough to publish again. Until then, I hope all of you are doing well and if you don't already know, there are some really great stories out there with authors who aren't as unreliable as me. So please go and indulge yourselves! Homeward Bound and Leviathan Rising are two I'm currently invested in.

I don't have much else to say, so I'll leave you with this: Mental health is important. More important than anything else because it's not a physical battle. The fact that it's _'all in your head'_ is what makes it so unrelenting. It's what makes it difficult to see the light or the silver lining or whatever it may be that keeps a person going. But, _it is_ there. I have to believe that and for anyone reading this who might also be struggling, _you_ have to believe it too. Never give up. Never stop fighting. Keep reading and writing and doing the things that help make life more bearable.

And for those of you that are fortunate enough to have no idea what the hell I'm blabbing on about, you guys keep doing the things that make you happy too. There are so many ugly sides to mental health, and I'll say that you guys are my inspiration to keep going. I'm happy that you guys are happy, and for those of you who aren't, I'm with you on your journey to get there.

Happy Holidays & Happy New Year!

 _\- Jade_


End file.
